Post Grad Duck #10
More often than not, when people ask me a question, I almost always want to have an answer. Even if I’m unsure of what to say, I will almost always come up with something to say. I think this stems from my desire to be accepted by those around me. Sometimes when I don’t have anything to say, I feel compelled to give some type of response because in that moment saying nothing seems ridiculous. But it’s not. There’s nothing wrong with silence. There is wisdom in waiting. It’s quite all right to say “I don’t know.”
As many of you know, I have moved from the southeast to the northeast. In many ways, it feels like I’ve left one world and entered another. Southern hospitality came to a halt as did the humidity I’ve grown to associate with home. Bojangles is long gone, Cookout is but a fond memory, and “y’all” is phrase of scarcity. And my reaction to it all? Well, I don’t know.
Now, here me when I explain. I am neither miserable, nor sad. The community I have entered has been nothing short of welcoming and full of love, but things are different. What routine I had established has been reinvented, slowly trying to find pattern. Habits native to the south are now only enjoyed via social media. I’m a little fish in a big pond. I’m learning how to swim on my own, away from the shores of biscuits and ‘bless your heart.’ There’s been a shift in my life and I’m discovering what it looks like to be Jayna in Pennsylvania.
What does it look like? Well, I don’t know…yet.
What I’ve known to be true about the culture of the people around me is different now. And that’s okay, it’s beautiful actually. There’s a loveliness in the air of the difference. My surroundings are different, but the ground upon which I stand is the same. And because of that, I can confidently say, “I don’t know.” I don’t have to know because Jesus does. Standing on the truth of His Word gives me the freedom to live and learn and try and fail and laugh and love and everything in between.
I write these words for myself, but also for anyone else that struggles to be patient. Transition is weird and sometimes it’s really hard. I write these words for anyone that is used to having a handle on things and being the one with answers. Confusion is real and it’s not fun. I write these words because there is so much to see and learn from the newness of your environment and from the people around you. I write these words because as Flannery O’ Connor once said, “I don’t know what I think until I read what I say.”
Take heart, it’s okay not to know and wait on the Lord for the answers. You’re not alone. We can adventure together!
[Jesus, thank you for newness and your promise to always be constant]