“…those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

It’s been a while, so instead of working on my homework right away…I’m going to write a blog post.

Duck #9: a reflection of my procrastination.

For my entire life, I’ve categorized myself as a “people pleaser.” I vie for affirmation from people, I crave validation from my peers. However, as I get older, I realize that I’m not alone. This news is both simultaneously comforting and worrisome.

It’s nice to know that there are other people out there that share this same “trait,” if you will, but it makes me wonder what it would look like to know someone that doesn’t perform or act a certain way to please others. Lets be honest, It’s hard not to care how others view you. If you disagree. YOU’RE A LIAR.

Phrases such as, “I don’t really care,” “Ehh…Whatever,” “YOLO,” and “To each his own,” (to name a few) are spoken with audacious confidence by people who claim that someone’s view of them is of little importance. It’s kind of funny though, if someone’s opinion of you or opinion of something you do really didn’t matter, would you feel the need to say aloud that “you don’t care?”

In my opinion, I would assume that if someone was not bothered by the opinion of a peer, one would continue living their life without ever speaking of their actions. One would only talk about their adventures, victories, downfalls, day-to-day life only upon request. This person would be so consumed with the fun, the bliss, the excitement, the hurt of their own life that the need to share it with someone else to gain approval would be less than an after thought.

Does such a person exist? I suppose. I don’t think I’ve met one yet, though.
Maybe there’s a group of them that live together in a colony somewhere that not many people talk about. Somewhere like…South Dakota. Maybe there’s a group of people divided by lives of love, wonder, adventure, recklessness, juvenility… but each person is too busy living that the thought of seeking the other colony members opinions is absurd. Maybe? If there ever was such a group of people, I’d like to meet them and hang out with them for a few hours.

But I digress, I can’t go on about this place. Right now, it’s imaginary. Right now, I live in a place that is plagued with the “disease” of judgement, plagued with fear, plagued with the desire for acceptance. I don’t like it. It’s sickening.

I’ve had so many conversations with friends in the last few weeks and they’re plagued by these “diseases” as well. But why? We assume that in order for people to like us we need to act a certain way. And while we’re acting, the people we’re trying to impress are acting as well. We’re caught in a cycle. We’re caught with other people, but we fail to recognize or acknowledge those people and vice versa.

As a follower of Jesus Christ, I have been taught and truly believe that my identity and validation comes from the beautiful, unconditional, unrelenting love that my heavenly Father bestows upon me daily. But is this enough for me? No. Would I rather get the easy, quick, TANGIBLE attention from people that lasts for only a short while? Yes. Do I recognize that Christ’s love is eternal and far better than what man can give? Yes. But do I live that way consistently? No.

We feel like we have to earn love. As the classic quote from Perks of Being A Wallflower goes, “We accept the love we think we deserve.” It’s so true. We don’t think that we’re worth enough to freely be who we are and have people accept and love us for that reason. We act. We perform. We put on makeup. We wear designer/thrift shop clothes. We exude certain attitudes and personalities and say, “I don’t care,” as a means to get people to say, “Wow. I admire that person. They don’t care what other people think.”

It’s hard for us to accept what is not attached to the end of strings…

[Father, I thank You so much for Your love. I thank You that I don’t need to earn it. Remind me of that. Allow me to live in Your security rather than the inconsistency of human validation.]
❤ Amen

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One thought on ““…those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

  1. I have also struggled with being a people pleaser in the past. I found you post very encouraging, it reminded me to always be looking to my identity in Christ as my value no what other say about me.

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